I still have more strength

Last Thursday I was scheduled to run an event in San Francisco during the evening.
I left home one hour and 45 minutes before the job since I am about 45 minutes away of SF downtown and I knew the traffic conditions could become somewhat challenging.
While driving the road went from bad to worse; with every minute lost stuck in the freeway my heart was hurting more. After one half hour I called my contact person and left a message explaining the situation as well as saying I would probably be late.
A while passed and my phone call was returned. The young lady was clearly unhappy that I was trapped in my car and regretted I didn't plan better. I expressed my disappointment as well and told her I was trying my best to make it as fast as I could.
Traffic became a nightmare and the ride ended up taking two and a half hours. Imagine my feelings..I was upset, running from my car to the building; reasoning how I was going to break the ice and do my best for this job.
When I finally stood at the door of the place, I get another phone call from her. Right away I let her know I am on my way in to what she says: Well, you can turn around and go home because it's too late; people are starting to leave already and there's no point on starting the dance session. I am very disappointed that you are unprofessional. My director was here and all the people who came for this event left let down by you. Can you imagine how I felt? After sitting for two hours and a half, feeling useless and ashamed in my car, I hear this. I apologized many times and took full responsibility for being late; I also let her know I never thought this ride could take the time it did. But she didn't care. She just let me know she accepted the apologies and would never call me back.

I cried all the way to the parking lot while lamenting not thinking better. I'm quite new in the Bay Area and never had this kind of traffic problem before. After I came back home I wrote an email to the hiring person and again, apologized truly from my heart taking charge for what happened.
I  never got a reply.
All in all, I decided to share this story because it happened the same night I wrote about feeling guilty..It almost feels as if I anticipated what happened.

Yesterday while talking to my brother in law while our visit in San Antonio, I told him the story and he simply said: "Listen, this is what it is. Traffic happens, this person was probably in a bad spot because you couldn't show up and she will never forgive you. Don't expect her to ever call back..But, this is life, you learn and move on."     
It definitely sounded much simpler than all the feelings in my head.

I realized I had been very upset at looking irresponsible and making such a mistake, then the truth is that there was an element I couldn't control, and life is just like this..there are things we can't command.
This blog is just about finding that balance, forgiving myself and moving on.
I am blessed to have good friends and loved ones close who are supportive and even if I was responsible for what happened they are around to tell me it's ok and life goes on.

This is just about remembering the road is full of stones.We can get stuck and stop our trip or just find a way to get around them..don't you think?

I still have more strength now
just to take it all, it's already written and forgiven
and the heart becomes recovered
and the rain stopped
and then the moon comes back
spring is again arriving,
back again      

(From "Yesh Bi Od Koach"-I still have more strength )

Guilty?

Have you ever felt guilty of something you did or were part of?
I do remember feeling like this in the past as well as some present conditions that put me in that spot.

Sometimes a situation can be lived as just a bad experience or an unforgettable moment that teaches us for the future except that for others it can become a lifelong torture. In the last option, the condition repeats over and over again without any resolution other than feeling uncomfortable and impotent.
Moreover, if you feel responsible in part for what happened; the guilt can be accompanied with feelings of frustration, fury and even depression.

I understand there are events we can't change, but living trapped in the past with all those negative feelings can't be of any good for your life. I think it is important to find the courage to reconcile with the world and oneself, to ask for forgiveness, repair and most of all keep moving forward looking for reasons to make life special. We only have one chance.

Guilt can be pushed away if we bring in acceptance together with being brave. Then we become better human beings.
Don't forget that we make mistakes, yet this faults can be used to learn and grow.
Now don't think for a minute that because I am writing this it makes it any easier. Many times I find myself feeling responsible for something I don't know how to change for the better..then months later I still am in the same corner.
I guess I need to be stronger and try harder. If I leave judgement aside I may accomplish positive results next time.
 The main thing is remembering to be grateful as life gives us always new chances to improve.

Don't worry,
after the noise there is silence
After the rain there is a rainbow in the cloud

Don't worry,
if there is pain, there is love
After the crying,
there is always a reason to laugh
Don't worry

( From "Al Tidag"- Don't Worry)